The Thorn In My Side
by Crooked Young
Summary: When an influential politician is murdered, and a strange note is left on the body, Shawn begins to suspect something bigger than a run-of-the-mill homicide. Shawn must decipher the clues before Santa Barbara itself is the victim.
1. Dead Smoothies and Other Tragedies

The clock struck noonish in Santa Barbara, causing a crowd of seagulls to disperse, much to their obvious annoyance. A man in a pinstripe suit walked through the parking lot, Sidestepping broken bottles and crushed beer cans. This was not his usual routine, no, this was a rarity. He should be in an air conditioned van halfway to Sacramento by now. But an accident on the freeway had delayed them, so here he was, a California representative, walking through a parking lot to retrieve his cell phone. His assistant had insisted on him being accompanied, but he had politely declined. After all, if he couldn't fetch his own cell phone, how was he supposed to represent a state a big as California?

The sun beat down, glinting of his US flag pin. It was odd, he thought, that the parking lot should be deserted. It was only noon. He shrugged it off, but no sooner had he taken another step did he hear footsteps to his right, hurried and coming his way. He turned, staring into the alleyway. He strode forward, peering into the alley. A strong arm reached out of the darkness, and a knife slid across his neck, as the hooded murderer ran, away from the body, away from the crime.

OoOoO

Shawn Spencer flicked his wrist and let the newspaper basketball fly, landing three feet short of the trash can, and directly on Burton Guster's shoes.

"Shawn, how many times have I told you not to play paper hoops in the office?" Shawn responded by putting his feet up on the desk.

"Oh Gus. Don't be a mango platypus. Besides, I'm not the one who'll be cleaning up." He jumped to his feet, despite Gus's eyeroll.

"But more on that later. Jules called. We're supposed to meet them at the station asap."

Gus grabbed the keys off the desk.

"Oh, and we're stopping for jerk chicken on the way."  
>Gus nodded.<p>

"You know that's right.

OoOoOoO

Lassiter grumbled into his  
>coffee mug, checking his watch again.<p>

"Damnit! We shouldn't have called those two in the first place. They're a half-hour late. Probably stopped for some ridiculous snack."

"And I thought I was the psychic!" Shawn said, grinning ear to ear, Gus in tow, as they burst through Chief Vick's doors. Lassiter approached the younger, adequately gelled man.

"Don't even start, Spencer! This is my case, and if you even do one little psychic spasm, I will personally see to it that-"

"That's enough, Detective." Said Chief, rising from her chair. Lassiter stopped his rant, but didn't take his eyes off Shawn. Gus and Juliet exchanged a look, and turned towards the Chief.

"Okay people, listen up. This isn't just any murder, this is the murder of a politician."  
>Shawn raised an eyebrow, and raised his hand. Chief Vick paused in her lecture.<p>

"Yes, Mr. Spencer?" Shawn pointed at a box on her desk.  
>"Are those chocolates? I have a craving for creamy goodness."<br>Juliet rolled her eyes, and Lassiter threw up his arms.  
>"Please focus, Mr. Spencer. As I was saying, I expect all of you be on good behavior. This will certainly attract the media, so I don't want any," She looked at Shawn, who was using her glass fish as a hat. "Mishaps." She gestured towards the door.<br>"Well, get moving!"

OoOoOoO

Shawn and Juliet looked down at the sad scene that lay at their feet.  
>"Heartbreaking, isn't it?" Shawn inquired.<br>"Devastating." Juliet agreed, furrowing her brow. Shawn shook his head.  
>"So lonely." They stood in silence for a minute before turning away from the fallen smoothie, and towards the crime scene.<br>"Okay, so what do we have here." Lassiter asked, almost to himself. " Representative Thorn was walking to his car, when he was dragged here," he gestured to the alley a few feet away," and his throat was slit. I say it was a mugging gone wrong, as there are signs of a struggle." Shawn squinted at the alley, scrutinizing the pavement. He stopped when he saw a small pin, just to the right of the victim's head. He drew in a breath, and put a finger to his temple.

"Check next to his head. I can sense something, uh, sharp? Yes! Sharp and shiny. Like a thorn." He pulled his hand away with a theatrical wheeze, and watched as Lassiter knelt down to pick up the pin.

"Well, Spencer, this just got a lot more complicated." He held up the pin. On the back was a tiny note. Painted in crimson letters, was an eagle, with a thorn in it's mouth.

"Yes it did, Lassie. Yes it did."


	2. Acronyms and Eagles

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'll try to get more Shawn/Gus moments in here.

OoOoOoO

"So, what do we have?" said Gus, as Shawn opened a marker to write on the board at the Psych office.

"Well, Thorn was a Democrat, he was a California representative in Congress, and he lived in San Francisco." Shawn wrote the names on the board, connecting them with crooked lines. He turned at the sound of crinkling.

"Gus, what did I tell you about the Doritos? You know they're bad for your digestive system."

Gus scoffed.

"That was you, Shawn. It's not my fault you barfed them all up at Six Flags." Shawn was about to come up with a witty retort, when the phone on his desk rang. They both dove for it, slapping at each other before Shawn came up victorious.

"Shawn Spencer, Resident Psychic, how may I help you?"

Gus watched as Shawn listened. He said a quick, "we'll be there", and hung up the phone. He bounced up and down pumping his fist.

"Shawn, what are you doing?" Shawn stopped, and stared at his partner incredulously.

"Gus, that was my we-just-got-put-on-the-case dance!" he grabbed Gus's keys off the desk.

"Shotgun!" He yelled. Gus grabbed the keys.

"You can't call shotgun when there's only two of us, Shawn."

Shawn dashed out the door.

"I just wanted the satisfaction!"

OoOoOoO

Juliet paced across the floor of the SBPD, going over the case with Carlton.

"Did Thorn have any sworn enemies?" she inquired, stopping in her stride. Lassiter spin his chair to his desk, and pulled up Thorn's bio.

"Come on, O'Hara, he's a politician! Of course he had enemies. It'll take forever to sift through all of them." Juliet threw her arms up.

"Just a suggestion, Carlton." An idea suddenly came to her mind, and she jumped up.

"Do you think he was part of some sort of group?" Lassiter let out a breath, and shrugged.

"I'll get McNabb on it." He pushed his chair towards to pillar.

"MCNABB!" Juliet cringed, and covered her ears. Buzz jogged over to them, and gave a nervous smile.

"Yeah?" Lassiter handed him a file.

"I want you to get a backround check on Ray Thorn, California rep. I think-" Juliet cleared her throat, and pointed to herself.

"_We_ think he's part of some sort of political group, or maybe a club or something."

Buzz gave Lassiter a salute, and hurried off. Juliet picked up her phone.

"What are doing, O'Hara?" Said Lassiter, getting up.

"Calling Shawn. He's the best we have in finding people." She glanced at Lassiter, and raised an eyebrow at his expression. He was pointing at her, his mouth open in angry speechlessness. Juliet chuckled to herself and dialed Shawn's number.

"Shawn? Get down down here."

OoOoOoO

"Okay, we found out that he founded a group of politicians who all have similiar views. Apparently, they all want to prohibit the death penalty, but have found little success. They call themselves the Reps Against Cruel And Unusual Punishments, or R.A.C.A.P." Juliet said, as the detectives and consultants leaned over Lassiter's desk.

"Racup." Said Shawn. Gus chuckled.

"I don't think so Shawn. Raycap." Shawn scoffed.

"Rah-"

"SHUT UP." Lassiter barked. Shawn leaned back, and wiped imaginary spit off his cheek. He flicked his eyes over Lassie's monitor. He noticed that the picture of Thorn was taken in front of a backdrop. Behind him was an American flag, and...

Shawn drew backwards, grasping his hand.

"What is it, Shawn?" Juliet watched him, a concerned expression on her face.

"I-I think I was pricked by something. Yes, yes, I can feel it. OW!' He yanked his hand upwards, and made a horrid noise.

"It's a thorn. Yes, a thorn, it's being held by a, robin?" He looked inquisitive.

"_Aaw. Aaw." _Juliet jumped up.

"An eagle!" Shawn pointed, and glanced at Lassiter's monitor.

"Yep. The symbol of R.A.C.A.P is a bald eagle with a thorn in it's claws."

Gus frowned.

"Wait. Wasn't the note on the body a bald eagle with a thorn in it's _mouth?_"

Lassiter nodded.

"So what does it mean?"

Shawn stared into the distance, and sighed.

"It means whoever killed Thorn has a bone to pick with the rest of his little club."


	3. Why Does No One Ever Call For Backup?

A/N Thanks to my pal sportsdawg, and my sis chaoswalking for support! And, I just discovered the line thingy! YAY!

* * *

><p>Lassiter's Crown Vic spun around the next corner, skidding and grinding while the smell of burned rubber filled Juliet's nose. She twisted in her seat, spotting the blue Echo that held Shawn and Gus a block behind them. She turned back around, and grabbed the bar above her window.<p>

"Jesus, Carlton! Do you have to go so fast? We're just checking on the people, not rescuing them."

Lassiter scoffed. "Don't be silly O'Hara, I'm not rushing to _get _there. I'm rushing to get _away_ from Spencer and Guster."

Juliet rolled her eyes, and made sure her holster was openable, just in case. They pulled into the driveway, and stepped out, craning their necks to look at the grand house that stood before them. It's porch was pristine, and shined, as well as the windows. The lawn was short and clipped, and almost unnaturally green. Lassiter sighed, and started up the cobblestone walk. Juliet hesitated, but followed her partner, as the Blueberry pulled up. She glanced back, and held up her hand.

"Shawn!" Juliet called. "Wait here until we get you. You heard what the Chief said." Gus immediately got back in the car, obeying her orders as usual. Shawn followed suit, but he had a mischievious smile on face. Juliet gave him a stern look, trying to get her point across. He gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up, than a wink. She rolled her eyes, and jogged back to her partner.

"Get your weapon ready just in case," Lassiter mumbled, already holding his handgun. Juliet let out an exasperated breath of air. Then she noticed the absence of the resident's car. She followed Lassiter's orders, sliding her gun out of the holster.

Lassiter motioned for Juliet to go around the side, as he took the door. She slid past the gate, keeping low as she broke out into a light run. She was glad she had not worn heels, and had decided to go with flats, because she would definitely not have been able to run in them.

She reached the glass door, and slid it open cautiously. She saw Lassiter down the hallway, and started towards him.

A shadow flitted behind him. She opened her mouth to warn him, but she felt a hand grab her shoulder roughly. She jabbed her elbow backwards, catching her attacker in the stomach. She burst inside, towards her partner.

Lassiter had apprehended his attacker somewhat, but he needed to help Juliet before he worried about his own safety. He glanced out to see her throw her elbow back, and push off the man. She saw him, and stumbled inside. He began to pull his gun, when his head exploded into white-hot shards of pain.

* * *

><p>Shawn slumped in his seat, as he watched Gus twirl the car keys. He had already tried to escape the confines of the fruit-inspired vehicle, but to no avail. Gus had just locked the door when he had attempted to open the door. He flopped in his seat, facing his best friend.<p>

"Come on, Gus. Don't be the way Laynce Nix spells Laynce."

Gus shook his head, and chuckled.

"You heard Juliet. I am not getting out of this car."

Shawn gasped, and pointed behind Gus.

"Oooh, a purple banana!"

Gus spun around, and Shawn threw himself at the door, falling out of the car rather inelegantly. He got up, and dashed towards the house.

He stopped in his tracks however, when he saw the first floor window.

The latch was busted, and the window was open slightly, ruffling the curtains, and providing a perfect view into the house. He jogged up and peeked inside.

What he saw made him sprint towards the side gate, and towards his girlfriend, praying that he wasn't too late.

* * *

><p>Juliet screamed Lassiter's name as he fell to the ground, and rushed forwards. The second attacker picked up the detective's gun and aimed it at her chest.<p>

"Don't move."

Juliet cocked her head. It was a woman, not at all what she expected.

"Who are you?" She asked, her voice steady, and her eyes level.

The second attacker had recovered from the blow to his stomach, and now joined his partner at the end of the hall. They both wore ski masks, and baggy sweatshirts. Juliet scanned the room, looking for the resident.

But she found Shawn instead.

He was peeking through the window, and he widened his eyes when he saw her, motioning towards the side of the house. She forced herself to look away, and distract her captors.

The man growled, and exchanged a few heated words with his partner. They both nodded, and he replied.

"You're a detective, figure it out." He chuckled to himself, seeming to think it was funny. His partner rolled her eyes, and looked at Juliet, sneering.

"Let's just say we don't like cops messing with our work." She took a step closer, and flicked her wrist towards the kitchen.

"Get in there."

Before Juliet could move, however, Shawn burst through the door, wielding what appeared to be a tire pump. He chucked it at the woman, and dove towards Juliet. She caught him, and shoved him towards the counter. Gunshots hit the plaster above thier heads, and they dove behind the island.

Juliet reached for one of the knives, picking the biggest one she could find. She motioned for Shawn to be quiet, and turned her head towards the two attackers.

"There are five black-and-whites outside. They've got you surrounded."

They heard a laugh, from the woman.

"Yeah, right. I bet you didn't even call for backup."

Juliet swore, and handed a knife to Shawn. He looked at it, and grinned. She rolled her eyes.

"It's a last resort, Shawn. Not a toy." He looked at her, and nodded, serious for once.

Juliet closed her eyes, and took a breath, preparing herself for her inevitable doom.

* * *

><p>Gus pulled out his trustworthy Blackberry, dialing Buzz's number.<p>

"Buzz? It's Gus. Get down here. We need backup."

He paced around the Blueberry for what seemed like hours before three cruisers pulled into the drive. He rushed over, his worry visible. Chief stepped out of the first car, hurrying towards him. Six officers, including Buzz, followed, weapons drawn.

"Mr. Guster?" She looked at him expectantly.

"They're in the house."


	4. Pizza and Long Ass Days

A/N Anyone else psyched for Psych coming back? (I love bad puns!)

* * *

><p>Shawn glanced at Juliet. Damn did she look pretty when she was worried. He resisted the urge to brush a strand of hair out of her eyes, mostly because he didn't want to be at the end of the knife she was clutching like a lifeline. She looked at him.<p>

"Are you ready?" She whispered. Shawn frowned.

"For what?"

Juliet grinned. "For this"

She leapt out from behind the counter, and before the male attacker could react, she slammed into his knees, sending him crashing to the floor. She fumbled for his gun, raising it just in time. The female attacker cursed, and cocked her own weapon. Juliet slowly moved closer, glancing every so often at Lassiter, who was just starting to stir. This was going to be very difficult.

* * *

><p>Lassiter squinted at the scene before him. His head hurt like the dickens, but he ignored it. He found himself staring at the backside of his attacker, a woman dressed in black. Normally, he would have been fine with this, but she was pointing her gun at his partner, and <em>that <em>was something he was definitely not fine with.

He lifted himself slowly off the ground, making sure as to not make eye contact with O'Hara. He crept forward, and swung his arm at the knees of his attacker. She cried out, and he grabbed her gun, being careful not to accidentally fire it.

"Hands in the air!" A voice cried from behind O'Hara.

He turned. McNabb, Dobson, and Chief Vick stood in the doorway, guns raised. He could hear four more officers behind him.

"Good job, Lassie!"

Lassiter groaned, and turned towards the snarky psychic.

"We don't need any shenanigans, Spencer!"

Shawn giggled.

"Shenanigans. No, don't worry, Lassifras. This isn't a shenanigan. It's murder." He gestured to behind Lassiter.

A body was clearly visible. The victim was wearing a suit, and in the pocket on his lapel was a hankerchief.

On the hankerchief was a symbol.

An eagle with a thorn.

"Shit."

* * *

><p>Shawn sipped his smoothie, looking at his best friend with newfound admiration.<p>

"Fearless Guster makes a reappearance! Long time no see, buddy!"

Gus rolled his eyes.

"I just called for backup, Shawn."

Shawn looked thoughtful.

"Have you ever noticed that on TV shows nobody ever calls for backup?"

Gus nodded, straightening his tie.

"I hear that. So, what did you get off the victim."

Shawn sighed.

"Well, this time the writing was in pen, not blood. So the victim was probably either poisoned, or strangled. I'm voting for poison, since there were no marks on the victims neck."

Gus frowned.

"But, then why were those mercenaries there?"

Shawn grinned.

"Wanna find out?"

* * *

><p>"Well if it isn't my favorite psychic detective west of the Mississippi! Oh, and hello Guster!"<p>

Shawn threw his arms out.

"Woody!"

The coroner wiggled his eyebrows, munching on his piece of Round Table pizza.

"To what occasion do I owe this honor?"

Shawn motioned towards the body on the table in front of them. Gus made a whimpering sort of sound, and turned his head. Woody pulled back the cover to reveal the man's neck and chest.

"This here's James Reynolds." He pointed to his chest, where Shawn could see an angry red circle.

"Let me guess, injection?"

Woody nodded, and tapped his nose.

"Very well done, Shawn. But do want to know what's interesting? The amount of poison in his body wasn't lethal. In fact, it wouldn't even have made him sick.

Shawn frowned.

"Huh. Well thanks, Woody. If you find any cool stuff on any bodies, let me know."

Woody nodded.

"You know I will."

* * *

><p>Juliet and Lassiter sat down in the metal chairs of the interrogation room, staring straight at the woman across the table. Lassiter asked the first question.<p>

"Jane Harrison, right? So what's the deal, did you just get hired, or are you a murdering liar like the rest of-"

"_Carlton!" _Juliet hissed. She turned towards Harrison.

"Who do you work for?" Harrison scoffed.

"Like I'd tell you. Listen, as much as I'd like to sit here, and play cops and robbers, I would much rather sit in a jail cell than be stuck her talking to you idiots." Juliet put up her hands defensively.

"Hey. Cool down. The sooner this is over, the sooner you can sit in that cell."

Lassiter clutched his head. This was going to be a long ass day.


	5. Atomically Correct Magical Ponies

A/N Sorry about the extremely long break I took, I was a tad busy:) Anyways, any portrayal of a political party that I may include in here is not my opinion, it is simply for the character or story development. Thanks!

P.S I don't own Psych. 'Nuff said.

* * *

><p>Shawn closed his eyes, wriggling his eyebrows like a mad man. He put his index finger of his right hand to his temple, reaching out to touch Lassiter's dome with the other.<p>

"Spencer!" Lassiter growled. "Get your grubby mitts off me, or I will discharge my weapon!"

Shawn pulled it off with a rather feminine-sounding grunt.

"Sorry SupercalifragiLasstic, the spirits started it."

"I couldn't give a damn about who started it, just end it before I put a hole in-"

"_CARLTON! SHAWN! .OUT."_

Juliet scolded the two men like a stern mother.

"We have more important things to do," she reminded them, supported by a nod of approval from Gus.

Lassiter straightened his tie, and cleared his throat.

"Right. Back to the case."

Shawn wiggled his finger, and put the other one out like a crossing guard.

"I can sense...a storm. No, that's not it." He looked towards Gus, and made an eating motion.

"A taco! A burrito! Un sombrero!"

"Something, Spanish?" Juliet inquired.

"Estornudar!" Shawn yelled, sneezing loudly.

Lassiter scoffed. "Something about sneezing? Really, Spencer, have you finally gone off the deep end?"

Gus stepped forward.

"Wait. Is it an allergy?"

Shawn snapped his fingers, and pointed at his best friend.

"Yes! James Reynolds had an allergy to whatever was in the needle! That's why it wasn't in a lethal dose. The assassins didn't need one! Plus, they could make it look like an accidental death."

Lassiter rolled his eyes.

"Sure, that went well for them."

Juliet opened the door to Vick's office.

"Chief? We have a development."

* * *

><p>Shawn and Gus pulled into the driveway of Melinda Haust behind Santa Barbara's finest. Gus had read up on this one. She was a retired Republican, and was visiting her vacation house in California, coming from her home state of Utah. She sounded pretty normal in her bio.<p>

Melinda Haust turned out to be an 75-year-old who seemed to have a morbid fascination with ceramic, atomically correct unicorns.

Juliet and Lassiter occupied the chairs across from the aged woman, both feeling slightly uncomfortable with the legions of unicorn-themed pottery.

Juliet squirmed in her seat, and cleared her throat, addressing Melinda.

"So, Mrs. Haust, have you seen any suspicious persons around your neighborhood? Any young people dressed in odd clothing?"

Melinda chuckled.

"Oh, if you mean those nice young men around the corner? You know, the ones who are always on their cellular telephones? Young people these days."

"Uuuh, no, but..er...never mind."

Lassiter rolled his eyes. Shawn cleared his throat, and all heads turned towards the faux psychic.

"Do you have any allergies, Mrs. Haust?"

Melinda smiled and stroked Shawn's arm, causing Lassiter to smirk, and Juliet to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. Gus was having a staring match with a vintage Magical Pony, and so was too busy to notice.

"Why yes, dearie. I am allergic to Doritos chips, Velcro seat straps, peanut butter, but not peanuts, any piece of technology dated past 1976, and bananas."

"Oookaay. Uh, guys? What do you say we leave Buzz her, and take five?"

Four heads nodded.

"Agreed."

* * *

><p>"Well, that got us nowhere. Unless you count magical fairyland as a place," Lassiter said, clutching his head in the passenger seat of the Crown Vic.<p>

Juliet shrugged, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Well, at least we know she'll be safe from any attacks."

Lassiter sighed.

""I guess." He squinted at a figure on the horizon. "Hey, slow down, O'Hara."

Juliet eased the car slowly towards the figure. A glint of sun shone into their eyes, glancing off something in the figure's hand.

Lassiter noticed it first.

"O'HARA, GET DOWN!"

They flung themselves towards the console between the seats, praying that Shawn and Gus had the common sense to get away.

Shawn. And Gus. No chance they were going to make a decision like that.

The windshield blew into pieces, and the two detectives rolled out of the car, throwing the doors open as shields.

"SBPD, PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"

* * *

><p>AN dun dun dun duuuhn.


	6. Kilts and Controversial Hugs

A/N ...I honestly have no response to this.

* * *

><p>Juliet tried to steady her arm on the door of the Crown Vic, aiming her weapon towards the man dressed in black that stood a dozen yards away.<p>

"I SAID PUT YOU HANDS IN THE AIR!" Lassiter bellowed, he too pointing his Glock at the man.

He chuckled, and toyed with his own gun.

"Don't be silly, Detectives. I have no intention of hurting you. Only those jackass politicians. Now, move your little car aside, or I will have do something about you, and believe me, I don't want to clean anything up today."

Lassiter glanced through the interior of the car towards Juliet. She nodded.

"On the count of three. One. Two. THREE!" They both fired their gun, rolling out from behind the doors.

This was a mistake.

Two things happened. One, the man in black leaped away from his own vehicle, throwing himself towards the curb. Two, his car exploded in a mass of black smoke, and fire.

Juliet crashed to the ground, her ears ringing, and her vision flickering in and out. She could see the Blueberry pulling up beside the Crown Vic. The man in black was scrambling to his feet, and her reached out, almost as an instinct. She could see her gun lying a few feet away. She pulled herself towards it, grasping the barrel, and pulling it in. She shakily aimed it at the man stumbling away.

She didn't hear the gun go off, but she felt its reaction. The bullet flew in slow motion, striking the man in the shoulder. He stumbled, picked himself back up, and continued to hobble away. He reached the tree line behind the row of houses, and disappeared from sight. Juliet threw the gun down, and turned over. Three faces stared down at her, their mouths moving, but unable to be heard by the Junior Detective. Shawn held out a hand, and she grabbed it. With help from Gus and Lassiter, she rose to her feet.

* * *

><p>Shawn looked over the two Detectives, taking in the ash on their faces, and the occasional cut or bruise.<p>

"Are your ears okay, Jules?" Gus asked in a loud voice. She nodded. Shawn grinned.

"Thank god, or I'd have no one to laugh at my awesome jokes!" Juliet rolled her eyes.

"Gee thanks, Shawn. What about, 'Oh, I'm so glad my girlfriend is okay!" Shawn huffed, and turned to Lassiter.

"Lassie! I missed you too!" He attempted to throw his arms around the lanky detective, but Lassiter moved deftly out of the way, causing Shawn too fall rather unceremoniously on his face. Gus sighed.

"Okay, Shawn. What do say we check out the crime scene?"

* * *

><p>Shawn put his hands to his head, and surveyed the trampled grass at the tree line. He swiveled his eyes to the blood stain near a rather large oak tree, and made a choking sort of noise.<p>

"I can sense something...Scottish? Maybe a kilt?" He stuck his arm out, waving it like a bird. Lassiter threw up his arms.

"C'mon Spencer, we don't have all day."

Shawn stumbled towards the tree, and kneeled before the taped off roots. He slid his hand beneath the tape, and plucked out a scrap of plaid cloth. He held it up to Juliet.

"All right people," Lassiter barked. "looks like we have a lead."


	7. When Shawn Smacked Gus

A/N Hurray for terribly long gaps between updates!-silence-

* * *

><p>Shawn perched dangerously on the back of an office chair, arms behind his head, surveying the scene that now took place in the Santa Barbara Police Department. Lassiter and Jules were arguing loudly with the assistant of Thorn, who claimed that they weren't doing a thorough enough investigation. Shawn chuckled. The only thing that could make this better would be Funions.<p>

"Look, Mr..." Lassiter began.

"Infante. I don't want to hear your excuses, Detective. Mr. Thorn made it very clear to me before he passed away, that I was supposed to handle any law issues that followed his campaign. I am also his direct successor, so technically I now hold his position."

Lassiter made an exasperated gesture.

"Well, did his campaign extend to the afterlife? I don't think so. So get the hell out of my face!" Juliet gently tapped Lassiter's arm.

"Carlton, I don't think we have much of a choice here."

Infante made as if to reply, but before he could, slow clapping resonated from the Head Detective's desk.

"The Kardashians couldn't top this!" Shawn said as he hopped down from the chair. "Maybe I'll give Lifetime a phone call, and they can put you in the time slot after Project Runway."

"Spencer, I _told _you to go home. _Shoo. _The grown-ups are talking."

"Now, now, Lassie. Don't be sassy," he chuckled at his rhyme before addressing Infante.

"I'm Shawn Spencer, SBPD's Head Psychic." Infante looked at him incredulously, before shaking his hand. Shawn gave him a winning smile, and Jules rolled her eyes. Infante cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I think I've heard of you. Read about some of your previous cases, I think, or heard about 'em from Mr. Thorn. He was quite interested in Santa Barbara's crime rates, you know. It was one of the main focuses of his campaign."

Shawn raised an eyebrow, and mockingly put his hands to his cheeks.

"You don't say! Well, my associate and I would like to hear more about Mr. Thorn's campaign. How about you drop by our office later this afternoon?"

The politician squinted at him, then slowly nodded his head.

"Alright Spencer. You've got yourself a date."

* * *

><p>Lassiter paced angrily across the floor of the Department hallway, steaming about his encounter with that dirtbag Infante. Who did he think he was? After all, he wasn't <em>technically <em>a high-powered politician. he was just playing boss, like a little boy trying on daddy's suit and tie, walking around sloppily in his overlarge shoes. Besides, if Thorn hadn't bit the dust, he wouldn't even have...

"_O'Hara!" _His partner looked up from her donut.

"What is it, Carlton?"

"Check all our available surveillance from the murders. And get an expert on human behavior down here." He spun on his heels, and waved the ever-smiling and eager rookie, McNabb, over.

"_McNabb!_ Get me all the profiles on our suspect. _Move!"_ He turned to O'Hara, who was staring at him incredulously, taking in his sudden change of mood with amusement.

"Someone's excited. Lead?" Lassiter grinned.

"Even better."

* * *

><p>Gus shook his head, reading over the dense lawsuit papers, incomprehensible even for him.<p>

"Shawn, are you sure you've got this?" Shawn scoffed.

"Did Harry meet Sally?"

"Uh, yes Shawn that was the point of the movie..."

" Then of course I know what I'm doing. The spirit of Nora Ephron told me, may she rest in peace."

After a short moment of silence, Gus smacked his friend upside the head, and turned back around to Infante, who was currently eating a piece of candy off of Shawn's hazardous desk.

"Hey! Get your paws off that! I saved that from last Halloween!"

Infante immediately spit out the hard candy, and wiped his mouth off with the corner of his sleeve. A bit of the shirt underneath his jacket peeked out from the arm hole, and Shawn took in the information with a quick glance of his eye.

"Maybe you should clean up your office occasionally. It's like pig sty times twenty. And what's with all the creepy dolls dressed as wrestlers?"

Shawn nudged Gus.

"I thought you put those away after last month's rumble!"

"No, Shawn, I was to busy making excuses to your father about your latest absence from you father son golf round."

Shawn sighed. Infante cleared his throat, and made a move to pull something out of his jacket.

"Look, I hate to interrupt this, but I've had enough." He pulled the object out of his coat, and pointed it at Shawn and Gus.

"Tell me all you know about R.A.C.A.P."


	8. Shawn Goes Boneless, and All is Well

** A/N: Last chapter after ages of not updating. I just needed to finish this, as rereading the old chapters made me cringe. Happy new year, and enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Shawn put one hand to his head, the other grasping blindly for what he hoped was a brittle See's candy. Infante cleared his throat, and motioned for the young private investigator to cut it out.<p>

"Oh, c'mon, man, you know they make the best caramel lollipops," he said, eyeing the small handgun in the other man's hand.

"I've already told you, Spencer, I don't care about your weird candy fetish. I just want to know how you found out about R.A.C.A.P. It was supposed to be kept under wraps."

Shawn opened his mouth, but Gus cut him off.

"Well, then you better think twice before you _murder_ someone." He nodded, looking incredibly pleased with himself. Shawn shook his head.

"Dude, I think you've seen enough NCIS to figure out how to sound awesome when you accuse someone. That was embarrassing. C'mon, son."

Infante, rapidly becoming more and more impatient, waved his gun in Shawn's face, and eyed him expectantly. Shawn gasped, and put his hands out in front of him.

"I can see it now," he said, "you were always the genius, the mastermind behind R.A.C.A.P. But since you were below Thorn, you stayed in his shadow, constantly overlooked and ignored."

"That's why you killed him," Gus offered, "so you could finally get the credit you thought you deserved." He raised one eyebrow, and Shawn gave him a behind-the-back fist bump before continuing.

"But as soon as you did so, you found yourself under suspicion from the other members. So you decided to off them too."

Infante glanced nervously at the door. Shawn nodded at Gus, and after giving each other one last elongated fist bump, they leaped at Infante.

* * *

><p>Lassiter stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could, provoking a squeak from O'Hara and McNab alike. He growled, and pointed his finger in the rookie cop's face before turning back to his partner.<p>

"Remind me again why we brought him?"

Juliet rolled her eyes. "Focus on the road, Carlton."

After a few more minutes of tense (for Buzz) silence, the Crown Vic squealed to a stop, and the trio stepped out. Lassiter motioned for O'Hara to go around the back, and for the eager young cop to tail him.

Juliet crept as stealthily as she could towards the back door, straining to hear the muffled words coming from within the Psych office. Leaning lightly against the slightly ajar door, she could see Infante's back facing her. Before she could react, however, Shawn and Gus flew out of nowhere, and crashed into Infante.

She quickly made up her mind, and crashed threw the door.

"SBPD, FREEZE!"

Gus cried out, and karate-chopped Infante's left arm, sending the handgun skittering across the floor. Juliet rushed forward, grabbing Shawn with one hand, and pointing her Glock at Infante with the other.

Lassiter burst in, Buzz in tow, and knelt to pick up the small gun. "Nice work, O'hara, Guster," he said, ignoring Shawn's fake pouty face. "Book 'im, Buzz."

* * *

><p>Shawn paced back and forth in the holding cell, explaining the last few details of the case to Chief Vick and his father. He pointed his finger at the now incarcerated politician.<p>

"Infante was using his _left _hand to hold his gun, but I sensed that he wasn't actually a southpaw." He giggled at the term, then continued. "After Jules shot him, he couldn't use his right hand."

Shawn put his hand on his partner's dome, and made a stabbing motion with his other hand. "He used a syringe to kill his other victim, making it look like an allergy attack."

Gus frowned, and moved away before Shawn could do the inevitable, causing the psychic to careen sideways into Lassiter, who quickly sidestepped him. Shawn crashed into the door melodramatically, provoking an eyeroll from his father, and a "serves you right" from Gus.

Chief Vick nodded appraisingly, choosing to ignore the childish scene in front of them. "Excellent job, Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster. You too, O'Hara, Lassiter." She stepped over Shawn, who was still face down on the floor, flailing his arms about. Henry walked after her, giving his son a kick on his way out. "Nice job, kid."

Lassiter followed suit, and Juliet shook her head. "See you tomorrow, Shawn," she said before following her partner.

"Bye, Jules," Shawn said, lifting one arm to wave.

Gus grabbed his best friend's arms, and attempted to haul him up the stairs.

"Shawn, if I have to carry your ass to the Blueberry, I'm gonna steal your blown glass pineapple collection."

Shawn scoffed. "C'mon, son." He went limp, prompting an agitated groan from Gus.

"Don't go boneless on me, Shawn," he warned. When Shawn didn't respond, he gave up and began to ascend the stairs.

"Fine, but I'm gonna go get some Afro-Thai take-out."

Shawn lept up, and ran after his partner, passing him just before the top of the stairs. The two consultants dashed through the front doors of the SBPD station.

"Shotgun!" Shawn exclaimed.

"Shawn, there are only two of us," Gus replied.

"Gus, don't be a bad imitation of a house broken seagull."

And with that, they sped off into the afternoon sun.


End file.
